Death is Coming (A story)

 

Your senses belie reality. Even with eyes closed, you see dreams....but dreams are not real.

It was a beautiful morning. I woke up and went straight to brush my teeth. I had a fuzzy head and found myself unable to touch anything. “Am I dead?” I asked myself, smirkingly. I tried to trace my pulse, but there was no breathing sensation in my body. I felt neither cold nor warm. At first, I felt amused to be so alive in my dream that it seemed like an astral projection. But I could not wake up. I shouted, but nobody could hear me. Then, I heard a fainted voice, “open the gate and come outside.” The source of the voice led me to the dressing table mirror. Inside it was a door adorned with white flowers on its periphery. I thought of the movie “Insidious”, in which the devil used the doors to trap the souls. It conquered my mind and filled it with horror. I did not have any option, so I followed the instructions unwillingly, which led me to a farm. When I looked behind, the gate was not visible nor my house. I realized that the blurry-headed feeling was gone. Before my eyes was a green farmland stretched as far as I could see. The sky had rainbow colors, and a man stood guard to look over the field.

 “Who are you? Why were you shouting? Introduce yourself,” said the stranger.

“I am Ambar, and I don’t know how I got here. I followed a voice, I was sleeping and…..” He interrupted in the middle of the sentence.

“Listen, brother; you have been awakened.”

I was silent, trying to digest all of this, and asked, “What does this mean? How do I go back.”

“Time goes forward, not backward, and you have been summoned here only because you were shouting for help? You are dead, young man. When someone dies, we call them awakened.”

 I was in complete shock and did not know what to do. I still had a lot of time left before cancer could end my life. Everything I loved and cared about was snatched from me. I pleaded, “There must be some way. I will do anything; please send me back, take whatever you need.”

 “You can’t give me anything, you are in the astral world, and your karma decides the extent of your freedom. I am here to guide souls who have just awakened. Before I take you to the “Meetings of the Newly Arrived,” you can go see your family and roam around the world for 13 days. Then, if you wish to return sooner, repeat these words, “If you think, you do not know; if you know, there is nothing to think.”

He led me to a tree on the farm that opened its trunk for me to enter. After a moment of darkness, I find myself at the outer gate of my house. I see my friends, students, neighbors, relatives all gathered for the funeral ceremony. My family was too sad and drowned at my demise. Some people did not even attend the funeral because they had unfinished work to be completed. Distant relatives looked fine; Afterall, they were not emotionally connected to me.

People were sad for different reasons. I realized that some of them were crying because their life had become uncomfortable because of my death. In this sense, they are not weeping for me but the importance of my part in their lives.

People talked plenty of things, the good, the bad, whatever they thought about me. It does not matter to me now. In a matter of a few days, I saw people getting busy and resettling in their lives. The world did not stop because I died. It simply moved on. I felt great remorse, thinking that I cared in vain what the world would think before doing something, but then I knew it did not give a damn.

I realized that I could not be helped. After spending a few days on earth as a Ghost, I returned to the astral world, uttering the words, “if you think, you do not know; if you know, there is nothing to think.”

Suddenly I disappeared into the darkness and found myself on the top of a hill surrounded by smaller mountains. There, I saw a lighthouse. On its wall was written, “Come into the light and let the shadows fall behind you.” A strange pull made me enter the lighthouse and take the stairs to the top cabin. There, I saw six people sitting around the table and an empty chair. Soon I saw the stranger whom I had met in the farmland. He said in a confident voice, “Welcome to the ‘Meetings of the Newly Arrived.’ we were waiting for you”.

 “I don’t understand all this, but ….. What am I supposed to do? What happens now?”. I said in a somber tone.

 “Each of you who have newly awakened would tell us your life’s story, and more importantly, what you learned from it. The purpose is to take you closer to the Truth so that you can be finally free like I am.”

“Why don’t you tell us the truth right away and set us free?” I said.

 “If it were that simple, I would have done it sooner and freed the world from all its troubles. You must walk the path.

If the vessel is flawed, it can not hold the water. Life is like a vessel, an opportunity, a gift to prepare you for Truth. When you are prepared for it, the Truth will find you; then, you would not need this vessel and become free.”

 “But if we have already failed in realizing the truth, Why does our life story matter?”

 “Each story is a fragment of Truth. We all in collaboration make it whole. A fragment is complete in itself and it only takes a highly awakened being to see the formless form. By telling your stories, you accept the Truth as it is, not like you had had it in your life. Acceptance is one of the key elements of freedom, and we want you to have more of it.”

 “Just like you are a part of the world, without whom the world would be incomplete. In the same way, every story matters.

 “Once you are finished telling your story, you will be given a new body as per your understanding of reality to continue your journey towards the ultimate Truth. I know it is not easy for you to understand. Save your questions, and they all will be answered before you go back to the earth.”

 I was more perplexed than ever before, but the stranger had a soothing effect on my soul, and I felt like I could trust him. I sat down on the chair. The stranger asked me to share what I learned from my life, and hence I began to narrate my life’s story.

 “I died ten days ago, confused with questions that never found answers. But I was so thrilled to see my subtle being separate from my body. It was something that I sought in my life and never fully believed. Though I was confused at its veracity but it does not matter anymore.”

 My death was sad and painful, but It cleared the clouds that held the sky on its head, hiding the Truth in the perplexed state of my beliefs. Death did not spare me a second chance like I was used to with other things. Now, I have come to the realization that we die every moment we live, and in this sense, death is freedom. But we hold on to the living part and forget death, inviting misery in our lives. I was no different. I held on to hope, which is just an imaginary lollipop for man to feed on the future probabilities that he can’t control. It is synonymous to fear, both fictional and void.

I continuously hoped for better things and feared the worst. I could not understand that there will always be something better, nicer to achieve. If I am chasing success all the time, I would never be successful. I think that success is a state of mind, it is not out there in the world. Contentment is success- when you are not chasing anything anymore. This chase would not have ended if I was not diagnosed with cancer that completely changed how I saw things. There could be nothing worse than cancer-Stage 4. All my fear for different things in life was replaced by a strange emptiness that questioned everything around me.

I was a cancer patient and one of the luckiest of all people who knew that he only had six months to live. Even then, people asked me to be hopeful and, therefore, miserable. Mr. A said, “We all are with you, have faith, son. God is the caretaker of us all”. How empty are those words “We all are with you”, I don’t see his bald head around here in the astral city? “We alllll….are with you…!”- should have died with me. If only his words were true, I would have shown him the mess he has created in his life by following society’s social, ethical, moral and religious norms. He might say, “won’t it be chaotic pretty soul just to lose everything you believe in.” Sure, Mr. A, It would be pretty Chaotic for a guy like you. Chaos and Freedom both break boundaries. Mostly, the root of freedom goes through chaos. My death was a violent storm, but it gave me wings. The Truth is that we are the creator of our universe, both past, and future. It is not the ultimate Truth, I guess, otherwise, what would I be doing in the “Meetings of the Newly Arrived”

In the last days of my life, nothing attracted me. I sat hours in my garden looking at silent trees, frolicking birds, unsettled sky, boggy land, ants seeking, temple holding faith, farmer cultivating life, kids playing, and the houses that stored many immortal people unlike me. They don’t have a death prescription soon to be realized in 6 months. I tried to surround myself with what I thought was life. But every moment tried to erase my existence as I was trying harder to move on with what was left. All the tight knots of attachments to my identity started unfolding me, and I knew more as I kept unlearning.

I knew so little and made myself a small world out of it with walls of knowledge and false beliefs. I believe that If learning binds you to a view, idea, or set of moral and ethical values, it is not true learning. The purpose of true education is freedom. If we do not wake up to the Truth, then it must be a dream (I do have questions about that to the strange man). Therefore, we use the word “Awakened” for saints and yogis who could see beyond the horizon of illusions.

 I was living a different reality earlier; I had a job, a loving family, and wealth to enjoy. But even that could not save me from the full stop on my life, leaving exclamation and question marks on the faces of my family members and friends. The world changed for me; my existential tendencies which were hidden beneath my filial duties, came out once again. Only this time, it was more intense and rewarding. In the nothingness of life, I felt fulfillment. I had no duties to withhold me and no religion to fold me.

Every morning was more beautiful, every meal tastier, and love stronger than ever. One might think that death should make it tasteless for me instead of more yummy. But I Just wanted to enjoy what is left of life. But it was worthless I guess, I don’t even feel hungry here. There were some people I did not like, but soon I found out that my heart could not enclose the heavy burden of hatred while my life was passing by. I decided to deliver one last lecture in my school, where my students and fellow teacher were saddened at my demise. They surprised me with so much love that I did not think existed.

 Most of them, who died without prescription, could not know how much they were loved. I don’t know why people wait for death to awake in them the higher emotions and values. It is a fact that most people focus on what they don’t have and feel miserable about it rather than enjoying what they have.

  “You all are aware of my condition,” I started addressing in the school assembly. “If I am lucky, I may survive 6 or 7 months at most. Cheer up, don’t be sad; we all are dying.” I said with a sweet smile on my face. “Each moment, we are closer to it. We must not worry about what is inevitable but that which is worth it. Everyone great and utterly bad is dead or will die. The difference is what they did and how they lived.”

 “Do you know why I became a teacher? I became a teacher because I wanted to serve humanity. I did not know any other way, but my intentions were good, and I served as best as I could. Now I have come to an understanding that everyone serves society at different levels. Can you think of a world without sweepers, plumbers, electricians, sewage cleaners, labourers, etcetera? No, it is impossible to think of a world without them. Those who earn more depend on these men/women for their polished lifestyle. It is unfortunate to see that someone’s financial status should give them the right to look down upon less privileged ones. Don’t forget that those who have learned to hate, tend to themselves at the expense of others, lie, steal among other negative things, have failed at education.”

 “You are still young, and there is a lot to learn. It would be best if you didn’t repeat the mistakes I made in my life. I could do so many good things, but I let my likes and dislikes define life for me. Now, when I think of it- I realize how much time I wasted playing digital games, watching moves, web series, and exploring other interests which were not worthwhile. Most people think in terms of doing what they enjoy, but at the end of the day, people can enjoy many bad things like drugs, molestation, driving fast, belittle someone, to name a few. Our generation calls it freedom, and in its name, people do all sorts of crazy things; terrorism is one of them. As far as I know, significant achievements require time, patience, discipline, and determination. In this sense, freedom is not letting go; freedom is control over oneself. It must allow you to do what you want and not what you like.”

 “I don’t know what else to say but know that you are loved…. I love you all, wholeheartedly and wish that you make the best out of your lives…….” I choked, and tears rolled down my eyes.

 As soon as I finished my sermon, I could see sad faces all around me. Seeing them sad for me had a soothing feeling that I can’t compare with anything. Maybe it was compassion, a form of purified love bestowed upon me without any expectations. Until recently, only my mother loved me unconditionally. Now, even the worst of men show signs of love and affection in their hearts. Maybe we all are capable of being a terrorist and buddha. It is a choice. We choose, and we become.

 My family was hopeless, down and out. They could not accept that I would be gone so soon. But I was not clear who I am and where I would be gone. My brain could not commit to the thought of death. After all, I had heard so many ghost stories and witnessed unexplainable events that I started believing in an afterlife. Still, I could not be sure about that, but my heart wanted it all to be true. Upanishads and Geeta seemed to be the only hope to me.

 My family would take me to different spiritual gurus and doctors seeking a miracle. I think they missed the point. The biggest miracle is life itself, but it is caught in the web-like structures of greed, lust, pride, anger, amongst other things.

 My health was deteriorating at a faster pace. Friends and relatives would regularly visit me, trying to cheer me up as they found fit. I found it worthless and dream-like because it was all passing like a movie about to end soon. I remember being taken to the hospital, but I see and feel more connected to everything evermore being dead after that.

 I finished my story, and suddenly, the lighthouse started breaking down. The stranger disappeared; I saw the beacon flashing right in my face shining like the sun. I closed my eyes, blinded, and felt like falling into an abyss… before I could understand anything………. I wake up with my heart beating at 190bpm on my smartwatch, shivering and feeling cold. I had lost the sense of my being for a moment until, after some minutes, I recalled my to-do list pinned on the wall.

 A full-body health check was due, and I thought It would be an excellent idea to discuss the reasons for my dilapidated state after I woke up. The doctor suggested many reasons that could trigger conditions like sleep paralysis. Then he advised me to wait for the report and then begin treatment.

 The report came after two days, I woke up and felt foggy like the day I had that dream. I entered the doctor’s cabin. He was not there, but I saw my report on the table. I picked it up and started reading. Sugar – okay, kidney – working fine, Lungs – fantastic!, Hemoglobin levels – lower than average, brain scan…… Stage 4… cancer………………………